Growing up in the 90’s society would tell you a husband is an emperor, everything and everyone under his roof obeyed his laws and danced to his commands. He in return would provide and protect. Not much affection or romance was on display, it was more function over form…fast forward to 2021, society’s idea of a husband is far from the emperor status. 

Behind the title

The older you get the more you understand how important it is to accept who you are and the magnitude of work & effort needed to be the man you envisage. Moreover, taking control and keeping your ego in check is fundamental to this success.

Ego is the greatest weapon and weakness for every man. It’s this ego that drives you to be the best, pushes you beyond the limits created by the mind. Unfortunately because society plays a part in crafting your ego, you find yourself doing something detrimental to your cause all because ego won’t let you look weak, soft or emotional.  

“The road to success is always under construction.”
-Lily Tomlin

Be her best friend 

They say honesty and loyalty are key, if two people can be honest with each other about everything they will unlock the door to success. What they don’t tell you is how hard it is to get these major keys. 

The fear of her walking out, the fear of her seeing your weakness, the strength to say no to life temptations and many other obstacles stand in the way of this honesty and loyalty.. 

Many wise men will tell you communication is a powerful tool, no matter how small or silly something is, tell her. On the other hand, listen to her and give her a platform to feel comfortable telling you anything and everything. 

Be each other’s therapist, business partner, comforter, biggest support, remember you are life partners! 

We all will have moments where you opt to keep things to yourself, moments when you judge her actions and guilty pleasures, moments you reflect back on and wish you had handled better.  

When it comes to trust, the scars of the past would have taught you a unique set of rules and regulations on how to navigate relationships. 

Understanding your wife is a woman before she is your wife and that she also has her demons to navigate will set you free from the burden of investigating her worth of your trust. Learn to trust her to be the person she has shown you she is.

“Trust a dog to act like a dog, trust a snake to act like a snake….”

-DMX

On the other hand your reputation is key and you must guard it with your life. It takes a long time for her to trust you and only seconds to destroy that trust, getting it back is a long hard road.  

“Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection….”

-unknown

Protection & Care 

With great privilege comes great responsibility. As a husband you are her first line of defence, her praepostor, her shoulder to cry on, her confidence booster, her nurse, her teacher, her fashion police, her uber driver, her radar detector, her security, her guarantor, her everything…

As a husband you also have to understand the impact of your actions and words, some actions will hurt and some words will damage. No two women are the same, as a result it is your duty as her husband to know which words and tone will build, encourage and motivate her. 

It is your duty to protect her from the pressures of the world and anything her radar might have missed. Watch her six at all times, don’t let her go to an interview unprepared and leave her self esteem exposed to the harshness of the world.  

A woman will have extremely vulnerable moments, it’s in these moments you should care and love her, be the light at the end of the tunnel. From period pain, pregnancy all the way to high heels after a night out, be the one that helps aid the pain, no matter how small or silly the actions she requires from you, why not do it?

Romance  

Lust is as important if not more important than Love. When you see her and all you can imagine is fucking her, hearing her screaming your name together with the lords, this urge is engraved in our DNA and not even love can erase it. 

A mistake a lot of people make is they assume just because you are in love it means you are now all of a sudden blind to the beauty of the world. Just as you can see all them sexy females she too can see all them sexy males. 

As a husband you have to put in the work at the gym and in the kitchen to keep your body in shape and stamina levels high, groom yourself to keep her eyes glued on you, expand your mind so you can keep mentaly stimulating her and more importantly keep her yearning for more! Its from this lust can the flames of love not only keep burning but to get scorching hot. Don’t give her a reason to look at another man and wish…

You should make her feel confident and free to tell you her sexual fantasies, be part of her imagination, be it playing with toys, watching porn or anything else her mind desires. 

This doesn’t mean do everything even if you don’t enjoy it, she will respect you trying something with her and expressing your honest opinion of the experience. This only means you have more things to try. 

As a husband you shouldn’t mustarbate, avoid watching porn without your wife, don’t follow Not Suitable For Relationship pages, the last thing you want to do is make your wife think you prefer another woman over her. Let the thirst feed your sexual experience with your wife. 

Play and experiment with her, teach her the things you are after from the porn/social media, and be willing to learn her body and desires. 

Love is the food for the soul, it’s a feeling we all experience but yet can not explain. Love on its own is not enough, you have to bring respect, trust and hard work to keep the fire burning.

Not every time you are excited to see or talk to each other, you have to do the small things that breathe excitement in your love. Buy her flowers and watch her eyes light up, take her out and watch the little girl inside her come out, send her messages throughout the day to remind her she is important, run her a bath after a long day, make her feel like a princess… 

The bride 

Respect is one of the key pillars for your relationship with your wife, understand her viewpoints, give her a platform to express herself and most importantly a space of growth and appreciation.  

Push and support your wife towards her dreams and goals, be the shouting voice in her ear when she needs it, we all need a personal trainer to get us to the next level. 

Be the man she wants and needs, you will have times you will have to be unpopular in the house but if the outcome leads the family to a better place she will respect you and most importantly you will respect yourself.

As a husband it’s your duty not to let go of yourself and simply focus on her, you also have your own goals and dreams and your drive will be a great source of inspiration for the family. 

Remember she is human and like every other human she has flaws. She sins just like you, has guilty pleasures, has dark and negative thoughts she has to fight off, and feels lazy sometimes. 

A team is only as strong as its weakest point. They say the nose is next to the mouth but yet we need someone else to tell us about our bad breath. As a husband you not only have to let your wife know when her breath stinks but go get her that mint she needs.

“Too many people think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, when they ought to just water the grass they are standing on”
–Amar Dave 

To be a husband

A divorce was the turning point for me, I had failed to be what I thought a husband should be. Life is a great and patient teacher, it will keep teaching you the same lesson until you get it.

From my failure I learnt being a husband means leading your family and being courageous enough to do what needs to be done. It also means understanding the value of your wife and not constraining her to the ways of the past or society. 

You will have to remember you are not trying to be right or win a point like a tennis match, rather her progress is your progress and her criticism is coming from a place of love and aimed to bring growth.  

At the end of the day you have to enjoy it all otherwise what’s the point…

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant…”
-Anne Bradstreet