We bear the Scars

Buried deep within us are the scars of childhood trauma, which have left imprints on our hearts and minds. These scars might be invisible to the naked eye, they might be those of physical, sexual, emotional or neglect they carry a heavy weight on those that carry them. They serve as a reminder of the pain we have endured, the challenges we have overcome and the strength and resilience that resides within us.

The effects of this trauma can extend far beyond childhood, it can continue to shape your relationships and decisions. Unresolved childhood trauma can manifest in various ways in adulthood, affecting not only a person’s emotional well-being but also their overall quality of life.

“The experience of an event by a child that is emotionally painful or distressful, which often results in lasting mental and physical effects.”
The Institute of Child Psychology

It’s so sad to think that 1 in 3 women have experienced some form of abuse during their childhood. The sad reality of this statistic is that the abuse was from the people they loved, knew or respected. As a young girl, you should be able to rely on the love and protection of those closest to you. But when that trust is shattered, it can leave lasting scars that are difficult to heal. Like most adults I was afraid to share my story, I carried the weight of my past traumas silently. I was unable to speak up not because I couldn’t, but I was afraid of the unknown consequences that might result in facing my truth.

The day I became free was when I decided to face my truth. There was beauty in gathering the courage to confront the ghosts of my past, to no longer hide in the shadows or run away from the pain that had haunted me for far too long. I realised that true healing could only begin when I confronted my deepest fears and faced the emotions I had bottled up for far too long. It wasn’t an easy path to take, I had to peel back the layers of my past. I had a sad girl looking back at me, with hurt and pain in her eyes, that girl was a young me. Wearing a once bright pink dress, looking deep in my eyes waiting for me to tell her she is loved, waiting for me to say to her it wasn’t her fault. I had to tell her the sexual abuse was not her fault, those nights of physical pain on her small delicate body from all the beating she endured were not her fault. The hurtful words that were spoken to her and about her were not her fault. I had to look her in the eyes and apologise for all the hurt she went through, apologise for the tears she cried, for the fear and anxiety.

The journey of healing is a personal one, unique to each individual, my healing started by confronting my truth and embracing my vulnerability. Some say it has to get ugly before it is beautiful. As I continued on this path, I realised that healing is not a linear process, it is more of an upward spiral.

“Wounds won’t heal the way you want them to, they heal the way they need to.”
– Dele Olanubi

I am no longer burdened by the weight of my past, everything I went through did not break me but only made me stronger. I have come to the realisation that my scars don’t define me. They are a testament to my strength, my capacity for healing, and my ability to rise above adversity.

You might be reading this and have gone through some form of trauma as well. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this. Sometimes, the healing process can be challenging, but hold on you got this. Healing takes time, and it’s essential to embrace it all and surround yourself with positive people.